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Writer's pictureBehaviour Mentor

Is It Manipulation?... Is It A Cry For Help?



Visualise the classroom environment...


Teacher delivering the lesson while the students are attentively engaged on the carpet in front of them. Idyllic is it not?...

But the reality can be somewhat different!

Teacher delivering the lesson while the students...

  • disrupt the lesson

  • talk amongst themselves

  • shout out

  • and more...

Are the students struggling, being disrespectful or being manipulative?

I would like you to consider how educators often talk about how their students are trying to manipulate them with their challenging behaviour. They identify students as being disrespectful and not following directions. They report how students repeatedly avoided activities that were set for them and refused to conform to classroom expectations.

I really struggle with this and I have highlighted this many times in previous posts. I believe that behaviour is communication and that by exhibiting challenging behaviour students are communicating that something is not right. If we look at behaviour from this perspective then we are creating the opportunity to improve our relationships with those students who exhibit challenging behaviour.

Think about this for a moment...


If we find ourselves in a situation that is not feeling right for us our reaction is to attempt to change that situation. Is that not a normal reaction?

Why then when our students attempt to do this does it suddenly become manipulation?

I have observed students who struggle with maths suddenly have a tummy ache when the maths lesson begins. Students who are not confident with their reading ability suddenly need to go to the bathroom when it's time to read. We all recognise these signs of avoidance and I am sure that we try to find ways to engage these students and make the tasks less daunting.

Why then do we not afford the same empathy and compassion to students who exhibit challenging behaviour?


Their needs are real, their stress is visible and their lack of strategies to react differently is clear. This is arguably not manipulation... it is a cry for help!

I believe that we need to promote restorative practices in our classrooms and afford empathy and compassion for those who struggle.


Discipline has been shown to be unsuccessful with these students as it removes any chance for change, it replaces hope for change with a power struggle between student and educator.

Restorative justice can be a successful alternative which involves students taking ownership of their behaviour. The process starts when the student is calm and has the ability to talk through what happened with the stakeholders. Working together with a predesignated adult they are confronted with the impact of their behaviour on others in the environment. These students are then given responsibility for working together to find a solution for the situation which resulted in their behaviour and implement changes which are necessary. This is an exercise in owning their behaviour and requires empathy and compassion.

This is a practice that can be implemented for the youngest students in our care and the oldest. Personal responsibility is key and the students need to be supported in order to understand how their actions have impacted others. Weinstein and Maynard refer to this as 'repairing the harm'.


Understanding impacts is powerful!... it can lead to the consideration of options and alternative responses in the future. This illustrates the need for us to promote restorative practices which then allow our students to see how their behaviour impacts others and instil intrinsic motivation to reflect on how they might change their behaviour in the future.


I welcome your thoughts and comments.

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