As the snow starts to fall here in Switzerland, I want to share something to warm the heart.
My hope is that this will make you stop, think and act differently with at least one student this week...
I have noticed that my colleagues like to reflect and talk about their past experiences with students. Many a day you will find them in the staff room reminiscing about this kid or that kid and speaking with such warmth and compassion.
The time when they...
Do you remember how he/she...
That was such a difficult...
I wonder how it is going now?
It occurred to me that the ones they seem to remember the most were those who exhibited challenging behaviour.
The stories highlighted times when teachers were at the end of their tethers or overwhelmed by frustration. They told of challenging choices that their students had made and how they had to dig deep to support and help them, but also the feeling that they had made a difference. It impressed me how they recalled that despite the challenges they somehow could always find the energy to be there. This illustrates how these educators had the ability to connect with their challenging students on an emotional level through kindness and respectfulness, treating their students as individuals and striving to be their champion and facilitate their success.
In order to be this type of educator we need to identify what we expect from our students and how we are going to achieve this. Do we only want our students to be compliant? Or do we want our students to grow into kind, respectful and compassionate members of society?
If we expect our challenging students to be simply compliant then we are imposing a 'quick-fix' which may be successful for a short-term and is predominately motivated by fear. Fear is not the basis for a positive relationship and it makes no room for understanding and learning to take place. If we are to achieve a longer-term solution we need to modify our expectations and work together with our students to guide them. We can achieve this through the building of relationships founded on kindness, respect and understanding. We can use these positive relationships to teach these students that they are valued and loved, which may be the first time they have experienced this. Here is where change can be facilitated, as without the experience of positive relationships it would be impossible for our students to create these in the future. As educators we have a responsibility to open up opportunities for experience and learning to help the students in our care acquire the necessary skills for change.
Establishing emotional connections/relationships with our students reminded me of the work of Urie Bronfenbrenner. In Jody Corrington's book: 'Kids These Days', Bronfenbrenner is quoted as describing the need for "an irrational emotional relationship" between a teacher and their challenging student stating "someone's got to be crazy about that kid". Corrington goes on to illustrate this as "fighting their corner" and "championing their cause".
This highlights that the key to success with students exhibiting challenging behaviour is that we love them all anyway!
Despite what they say, despite what they do we are there for them fighting their corner, championing their cause and supporting their need for change. We are not confrontational, but that doesn't mean we are not firm. We understand their feelings of distress and frustration but we also provide guidance in how to navigate these emotions in a social setting to provide the opportunity for change and success.
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