As I reflect on previous blog posts I can see lots of references to the importance of relationships. A post relevant to this weeks discussion is Be A Champion Make It Better, where I talk about how “It’s All About The Relationship”.
When working with students who exhibit challenging behaviour I have come to the conclusion that if a positive relationship is built it actually is communicating to the student that they are heard and cared for.
Taking the time to listen to students and hear what they are saying puts the educator in a stronger position to help them. I can base my support on their individual needs and I make no assumptions about why they are exhibiting the behaviour. This shows my students that I actually care about the reason behind their behaviour, the trigger, the cause. When I am listening to them I am modelling kind behaviour, I speak calmly to them, I don’t rush them to do anything. I want to achieve a de-escalation of the situation and find a way forward. This can be interpreted as an act of kindness towards them and as it instils the idea of a solution-based approach to the issue. I want to help. I care about the student and I want to work together with them to support their progress.
It is important that we consider what we want to achieve with our students. As educators, I believe that we are striving to grow our student’s independence and autonomy in everyday life situations, we are preparing them for the ‘Big Bad World’. This is true for all of our students but is particularly important for those who exhibit challenging behaviour. We need to facilitate their acquisition of the relevant tools for their success. Our goal is to grow their self-regulation and approach this through building those powerful positive relationships which can change behaviour in the longterm.
Fostering positive relationships with our most vulnerable students shows them that we care. Greeting them with a smile even at the most difficult times throws them a lifeline to grab hold of. They can see that we are invested in them and that we understand they need to learn to trust us but most importantly that we want to trust them. Building these relationships creates what John Bowlby described as the “secure base” in his theory of attachment. Creating these secure bases facilitates the reproduction of positive relationships in the future.
If we are to provide support through interventions then we must ensure that those interventions are appropriate. Students are quick to understand when adults are trying to control them and thus respond negatively to interventions which restrict their own need for control. We need to consider the fact that there is a ‘no one-size-fits-all’ approach to challenging behaviour. Individual students have individual needs which require an approach which has been tailored to them.
Changing challenging behaviour takes time. We need to be patient with our students and listen to them. We need to work together to respond to their needs to promote the ‘buy-in’ of the student. They will not respond to our intervention in a positive way if they do not understand how the intervention will benefit them.
When a student is exhibiting challenging behaviour we need to wait for and listen to them. Forcing students to conform just does not work in the long term.
We need to show our students kindness. We need to show them that we care.
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